Has God ever asked you to do something that you really didn't want to do?
That's me.
And He's not budging.
At all.
Hmph.
I suppose I could throw yet another temper tantrum, but what would that prove? Do I honestly think that my fit is going to impress the creator of the universe?
I think not.
But he did give me a pretty spiffy friend named Janet. :O) [I accidentally made the nose too big and was going to make it lowercase, but then I thought better of it. Instead, this is my tribute to women everywhere who got a bad nose job. Accidents happen, eh?]
Anyway, I'm not going to go into details here; I'm just going to leave it at this: I hurt.
I thought I was healed; as a matter of fact, things were going swimmingly for a few weeks.
Under different circumstances, I'd write more. In fact, I may write more in my private diary. But I care about the individuals involved, and they might have a friend of a friend of a friend who reads my blog...hence my silence regarding more details. ;o)
I need prayer please. I wouldn't even mind if you prayed with me here.
They're having prayer at church tomorrow night, but this is still so raw...I probably won't go.
Pray for God to let me have a scab, ok? This thing has been eating at me for far too long.
Jesus, Janet said that I'm the "prayin'-est" person she knows, but I'm not so sure about that. I'm pro'ly the "neediest" person she knows! There always seems to be something huge I need to work on, which is why I'm always bothering you.
Lord, I need your touch this evening. I don't even want to wait for tomorrow. I know that's selfish, but Jesus I sure would like you to help me "just get over it." I feel like a schizophrenic: half of me never wants to go back to my church, and the other half can't wait to go there to work on bulletins, play the baby grand piano, or organize music for the following week.
How can one person want such opposite actions to take place?
Father, I do want to pray for world hunger, healing in those who have been diagnosed with terminal illnesses, and broken hearts. I'm trying not to think only of myself, but right now I'm in a selfish place. All I can really think about is my desire to leave my church. At the same time, you seem to be calling me to do more as far as ministry goes. (sigh...)
I'm not overworked at the moment; I'm only working two jobs right now (summer school and church), but You know what's going on. I pray that you heal my heart from everything that has broken (or even just cracked) it. I want to do what you want me to do, even if it means staying right where I'm at for a season. But please let me know when that season is about to be over; I'd like a departure date as soon as you can give me one.
God, I feel so stupid and inadequate! I wish you'd work something out so that I can go back to my old church. I could still do ministry stuff there, God! I could even help with that women's ministry: I get along great with Traci and Jan! God, I don't want to do this anymore....do I have to?
I don't want any more tears. I just want to be joyful; I want to spread love and happiness everywhere I go (like I used to). It used to be easy to do....not so much anymore.
But alas, not my will but Yours be done...
Kumpulan Goyangan Hot 2015
8 years ago
2 comments:
...an argument with God...you know you can't win, right?
A few years back when we were struggling with family/work issues (don't ever combine the two!) we learned very quickly that God really doesn't give you more than you handle. When the stress really brought things to the breaking point, all we could do was just give it all to Him and TRUST. Maybe adding women's ministry to your commitments will really surprise you... could be that the group of ears He brings your way will be just what you need.
One thing that some very good friends taught us is this (they were saying it in the context of physically where you are living, but I really think it also means where you are in your life)...
"Where God guides, He provides"
Michelle, He will help you take on whatever He's setting you up to do.
I think you know this already. Try to look at the situation from outside the box... you may gat a different view!
Be blessed tonight! xox Kim
Hey girl! Yes, I do feel blessed tonight. I also feel loved: God nudged you, my brother, and my brother's girlfriend to speak some incredibly soothing words to me this evening. [Thanks, Lord!]
Actually, I've gone from working five jobs to two, so the time commitment isn't really the issue.
The main problem is that I've made an awful mistake.
I saw two visions that seemed to confirm that I would have a relationship with a certain someone after my divorce, so I did absolutely nothing to make clear boundaries.
But I'm fixing that tonight. We will have no more communication unless it's absolutely, clearly related to church stuff. But...
I liked his phone calls. We rarely spoke for less than an hour, and I loved every minute. He would tell me the truth about myself (no matter how ugly), and as twisted as that sounds, I sorta liked that too.
I liked his IMs. His sense of humor was so unpredictable and silly. He was good at making me smile and laugh.
I liked his visits/chats. Until recently, we'd talk for hours if time permitted.
I liked his attention...period.
To make a long story short, I very stupidly gave my heart to someone who didn't need nor want it in the first place.
Now I have absolutely no desire to see this person...ever. It's just too dang hard.
He was my best friend. Since we usually ended a phone call with prayer, I actually slept much better when we talked at night. That sounds corny, huh? But it's true.
I just want to leave, but God won't let me.
I had a vision of the women's ministry being birthed in my very own kitchen.
But how can I move forward on that when I've obviously missed God on other stuff? {*see 3rd paragraph)
And why would I want to start a women's ministry when I'm constantly searching for a way to leave my church with the least amount of drama and conflict?
God says I have to stay and do the women's ministry.
I said, "I don't wanna...why do I have to?"
He said, "Cuz I told you so."
He doesn't care what I want because this is all bigger than me. I'm supposed to help some women by making them feel God's love through me. I'm supposed to share my story and testimony. I'm supposed to teach others how to pray and encourage them to read their Bibles...
...all while I struggle to keep a smile on my face.
Post a Comment