feelin' a bit irritated

My Dad used to say, "If it's not one thing, it's another." If he felt particularly frustrated, he would say, "I can't do wrong right."

Sometimes I feel that way too.

For instance, we use a computer program at church for payroll. One would think that a college educated woman would be able to push the right buttons to print paychecks, right?

Ummm....

It's not working, and I can't exactly call for help at 6:30 a.m., can I?

But I have an amazing friend who can fix this. I just wanted to do it myself, you know?

Hmph.

And one of my classes bombed a test after they heard every answer during a class discussion the previous day. I had one "A," one "B," and the rest "F's."

Double hmph.

I wonder what the rest of my day will be like...

Can you handle it?

How do you react to compliments?

I know it's a strange question, but I honestly have a hard time listening to a string of compliments. I tend to get uncomfortable. In fact, I prefer being behind the scenes, allowing others to shine in the spotlight.

I'm perfectly content being hidden from view.

A couple of incidents happened this week that caused me to reflect on my own behavior. Instead of trying to become invisible, I think I'll simply say, "Thanks!" and smile instead of immediately changing the subject.

Sounds like a plan, eh?

social life

I'm meeting some friends on Saturday. Can you believe it? I'm starting to have a life outside of work (part-time jobs), church (volunteer positions) and school (teaching). Yay!

Yep, I'm going to hear my friend, Gary, play the keyboard and sing at a restaurant Saturday evening. Wanna come? :o)

I need to do something to get my mind off of these papers. My students aren't studying. :o( They had a vocabulary test today, and I am more than a little miffed at their performance.

"Trick-or-treating" is tomorrow, but I have to work. :o( I am NOT thrilled about leaving my house empty on Halloween. Last year some kids did so much damage that a local grocery store closed. Pray, ok?

How was your day?

ER

I HATE going to the doctor.

My body has been ornery since February, and I finally drove myself to the hospital.

After it was all said and done, I've discovered that I have a hormone problem. I am officially too stressed out. The doctor even made me put down the papers I was grading. [Yes, I took tests to the hospital: why waste an entire evening looking at the walls?]

Stress is making my body act weird, and that's why I'm a nut.

They make good drugs for that, and I'm gonna make an appointment to get me some soon. ;o)

Actually, I'm kidding, but I do have to see a gynecologist to see about some meds that should help.

I almost went back to church to organize music for tomorrow, but I've decided that the service would have gone on with or without me. I think I need a night off. Badly. In fact, in a few minutes I'm going to go to Melanie's house. I saw her tonight when she yelled at me in the hospital.

This is what happened:
1.) I called my boss (Terri) to ask her to pray for me since I was on my way into the ER.
2.) Terri called my friend, Lisa, to let her know.
3.) Lisa called Melanie, who promptly showed up at the ER to ring my neck for not telling her myself that I was going to the hospital.

She did NOT, however, ring my neck because I had a witness present: my friend, Janet, was already there!

I feel so loved. These ladies don't know about this blog, or I would thank them again here.

I'm off to check my AOL e-mail, and then I'm going to worship with Melanie (who, by the way, promised to come to church tomorrow).

Yay!

What a wonderful day!

How does one motivate?

That's the question of the day.

At two of my jobs, I'm not experiencing much success at motivating others to do what they should be doing. I'm afraid to get into too much detail here, but I'm VERY interested in your responses.

What do you think?

What motivates YOU?

opportunity flopped

What the heck happened to these incredible, amazing, talented students since yesterday?????

They bombed the test today.

Judging from some of their answers, a few never bothered to read the stories.

Hmph.

I need to relax before I have to go to work tonight. I think I'll see if I can go on a walk with my friend, Janet.

Have a wonderful weekend!

pep rally

Well, we canceled 7th period to have a pep rally in the stadium.

Um, ok.

The kids kinda sorta paid attention, but it was silly to me. All day long we force them to be quiet and work, and what do they do at the pep rally?

Sit quietly.

No one jumped up and shouted.

Very few were vocal at all.

The only kids moving were the band members and cheerleaders (who were, by the way, phenomenal).

What the heck?

Good mornin'!

So....

I have played "Mama" to quite a few of my colleagues this week, and it's nice to know that they trust me.

It's even nicer to know that, even in the midst of my own chaos, I have a calming effect on others. (Trust me...it has NOT always been that way!)

I almost jumped into "Momma mode" with a total stranger last night.

She was yelling at the cashier for NO REASON. I kid you not. I think she needed some meds or something. Everybody heard every word she said, and she threatened to try to get the cashier in trouble by calling the manager and store owner.

Have I told you that I hate bullies? It is such a struggle not to intervene, even when I don't know the individuals.

As I turned to watch this chick put on a show (in front of her own two children, who no doubt are learning this behavior), I began to tire of her verbal abuse and was about to do something about it when my son grabbed my purse and said, "No, Mom."

Well, all I was going to do is ask her if I could have a word with her in private. Then I would deal with her exactly as I do any irate, frustrated kid: get down to the nitty gritty of what's causing the unacceptable behavior. Hurting people hurt people, and I have a hunch she was in emotional pain.

How cool would it have been to talk to her and , quite possibly, end up bringing her to Bible study next Monday?

Alas, my son was mortified, and the more I listened to this lady, the more she seemed a bit crazy. But prayer changes things, doesn't it?

Unfortunately, she left before I made up my mind what to do. If my son hadn't been with me, it would have been a no-brainer. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable, though. Besides, what if God was speaking to his heart and trying to prevent me from getting into a tango with a serial killer? You never know.

Pray for her, ok?

Let me leave you on a happy note: Of 165 kids, 163 are passing (and 69 are A's)! Woo hoo!!!!!!

I'm determined; just once I'd like to see everyone pass. I won't lie though; if they earn an F, well....

Bravo!!!!

Congrats to my friends, the choir directors, where I work! I accompanied two songs at their preview choir concert tonight, and all of the choirs did a phenomenal job!!!!!

Twice I was mistaken for the choir teacher: I had to ask some folks to move out of seats that were needed for the choirs, and I thought one lady was going to try to knock me upside the head. (Quite frankly, I was too tired to care about being insulted. Some folks are ghetto and simply have no home training. It's just sad to see in such an older woman.)

The highlight of my evening was having two different toddlers want me to hold them. They were so cute (although unrelated), and it was nice to have a little one in my arms for a change. One little boy cried because he wanted me to hold him, and his Mom (and grandma) decided to let me. He just wanted to be up with me since I had given my seat to one of the choir kids.

The kids are talented, and I'm so proud of them, but I'm even more impressed with my friends, Mr. R. and Mr. M., who are consistently able to pull some amazing sounds from them.

I never cease to be amazed!

Teaching

Man, oh man....I needed a hug today.

I needed a hug so badly that I asked for one.

And got several. :o)

Teachers of the world....UNITE for a great big 'ol bear hug!!!!!

Wouldn't that be cool? We should all ban together at the end of every school day and simply encourage one another and hug...no complaining allowed.

Whaddya think about that?

My friend, P., was so frustrated today that, although he saw me walking down the hall with my supper in a plastic container at 4:45 p.m., he stopped me to chat for 45 minutes. He just needed to vent for a while and find a bit of empathy in a colleague. Hopefully, I helped him just a bit. If not, then at least he got a hug.

Have you hugged a friend today?

There's something powerful and soothing about human touch. I need it, and so do my students and my own children.

Don't you?

Unfortunately, because we live in such an incredibly litigious society, I don't dare hug my students anymore. It's just too dangerous, and our board has already believed heresay over an eye witness account in the case of one of my friends.

I can't afford to put myself in that kind of situation.

I wonder why students think we're out to get them. They seem to believe that their teachers, including me, can't wait to fail as many as possible. Why do they think that? Does it really seem plausible that someone would go to college, earn a degree, and go through the stress of teaching (especially teenagers whose hormones are raging constantly) solely in order to fail kids?

That's so silly.

Let's pray:

God, thanks for allowing all of us to have jobs that allow us to interact with your children. Each and every one of us, whether we're stay at home Moms or business owners, has an opportunity to brighten someone's day, and we ask that you help us to do just that!

Jesus, please touch P.'s heart. He's so frustrated, but I know that you can give him peace, even during a trying time in his life. Let him know how to effectively teach his classes. None of them are stupid, and all of them can achieve. Bless his classroom with an atmosphere that is tranquil and conducive to learning.

Give all of our students a desire to achieve more than they ever thought possible! Help all of us to remember that kids have bad days too. Lord, I pray that you are with us always. What else can I do to be pleasing in your sight? Just let me know, and I'm there! In Jesus' name, amen.

priorities

I ran into an old friend today when I filled up my little car, and I heard some encouraging words. That was nice (and very much needed).

I also ran into a friend on Friday, and I got her number. She and I will definitely be spending some time together, which is a blessing because we haven't been in contact for at least 19 years! :o)

For far too long, I have neglected some folks that I love. I am definitely guilty of putting work before home, and that needs to change as well.

I am in the process of rearranging some priorities, and I am requesting prayer as I grow. Here we go:

God, thank you for allowing me to know you personally. I need help, God! Please let me hear your voice, especially about how I'm supposed to do all you're calling me to do. I know I'll need to shed some extracurricular stuff, but it's so hard...

Lord, thanks for my family and friends! I pray that you watch over my brother, who was supposed to continue his dialysis treatments. Please give him wisdom on how to take care of his body, and don't let him get frustrated or fearful.

I'm also trying to shed some unhealthy relationships and cultivate friendships that I think are aligned with what I'm supposed to do. At the same time, though, I don't want to hurt anyone, Lord. Give me wisdom on how to do that.

Finally, Father, I pray that every single person who reads this blog will be blessed with your love and joy! I pray that they receive peace and grace from you on a regular basis! I pray that they also feel your presence with them during the coming week!

Thank you, Lord, for watching over me. Remove everything in my heart, mind, and soul that doesn't reflect you or your word. Mold me into a better mother, worship leader, Bible study teacher, English teacher, and friend. Use me, Lord, to bring lots of folks into Your kingdom! In Jesus' name, amen.

liberty

Have you ever heard that scripture that says, "Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty"?

What exactly does that mean to you?

My thoughts: When I allow the Holy Spirit to direct my path, then I am able to enjoy true freedom. Worship itself tends to be much more enjoyable and uplifting if everything in my life lines up completely with the word of God.

My heart is truly free at the moment, and I praise God for that!

I also thank the Lord for a friend who went on a walk with me today. I LOVE when friends pray for me aloud. It's such a touching act of love, isn't it?

As I reflect on some stumbling blocks in my recent past, I realize that some of the frustrations I've had are my own durn fault. :o)

I know that I will need to shed some friendships that leave me feeling empty and hollow. Friendships shouldn't do that, should they? I will also create some healthier boundaries, both at work and in my private life. I'm new at this, especially the dating part, but I know that Jesus will give me peace.

Let's pray:

Lord, you are officially invited to be by my side every minute of every day! I want you near, and I have thoroughly enjoyed the time you've spent with me lately. Thank you for letting me hear your voice loud and clear, and I truly appreciate a "heads up" about two situations in particular.

Father, I pray that your will is done. I love you! In Jesus' name, amen.

Pictures of a walk I took when I was missing my Dad

Every now and then I take a moment to visit my old stomping grounds, especially when I'm having a particularly difficult day because I miss my Dad. This week included one of those visits to H------. It wasn't a very long trip, though, since I only live 15 minutes away. :o)

Totally a novice when it comes to photography, I took these pics recently when I walked through my old neighborhood. My pictures don't do justice to the colors God uses to paint his landscapes. This tree has some amazing reds and oranges...beautiful!

This one's a bit fuzzy, but at least you can see the bright colors of the leaves. The Lord's not dull, eh? If this happens every single year, can you imagine what heaven will be like?



It's sad; I attended junior high for two years yet never noticed how beautiful the front yard was in October.

This is where I had my first crush (Greg), got bulky braces, accompanied the choir for the first time, and decided to become a teacher. (Thanks, Mr. Timlin!)



Although this is only approximately 1/10 of my high school, you can still get a feel for the architecture. My main concern at the time was focusing on the foliage.


Unfortunately, this didn't exist when I was kid...



...and neither did this. In fact, both of these cozy sections of town were only a parking lot for the old 9th grade building which has since been demolished. Nice improvement, eh?


Don't these leaves make you want to reach up and touch them? You can't tell from the picture, but they're actually 30-40 feet high.


How did you spend your day? For me, it was business as usual even though the kids didn't have school (NEOEA Day: Northeast Ohio Education Association Day). That means I spent most of the day in a professional development class. The instructor was Mr. J. who happened to be one of my Dad's best friends. Seeing him is always emotional because he and my Dad were inseparable. I suppose it goes without saying that I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

I met someone today and gave him a big 'ol hug when he said, "So, Michelle, are you in high school or have you started college already?"

Nope...he wasn't joking! :o)

Ha! It seems that I get that reaction when I wear less make-up. Hmmm....maybe I'll wear no make-up for a while and see what happens...

Nah.

Too chicken.

And besides, the boys and I have an appointment to get Christmas photos taken tomorrow morning. I'm purchasing a small package so that family in other states can see how much my boys have grown. Have a blessed weekend!

9 gone!

Remember those six pounds I gained? They're gone, along with three of their friends! Woo hoo! :o) Don't worry; I know I lost it pretty quickly, but I'm still eating. Walking at work before the kids arrive is helping, though.

I had some pretty bizarre dreams last night. One involved my friend, Annette, preaching, but then she stopped right in the middle of the sermon. The other involved some pretty heavy spiritual warfare. They could be meaningless, but sometimes my dreams/visions come true. So let's pray for Annette, ok?

When I have more time, I will post some beautiful pics I took while I was waiting for a band rehearsal to start. I'll try to show them to you tonight.

Love you!

Thanks for praying!

Well, I certainly can tell that someone has been praying for me! :o)

The women's Bible study went extremely well this evening, and we went over our 1-hour time limit because there were so many questions! Yay!!!! I didn't have an answer for one of them, so I'll have to wait for my pastor to come back from vacation to see if he can elaborate.

One young lady said, "You know, I was so tired and had talked myself out of coming tonight. But I'm so glad that I'm here!" Double yay!!!!!

Then, as I washed the dishes and cleaned the stove before coming downstairs to blog and type an important letter, my son said, "You know, Mom, do you realize that you're doing single-handedly what it took Grandma and Grandpa two people to do? Grandma said you might be feeling like a failure, and she was crying tonight because she said that you treat her well, and it hurts her to see bad things happen to you all the time. And Mom, you're not a failure! You're raising two teenage boys all by yourself, and you're not a failure."

Wow.

All of that from child #1?

You KNOW that's God, especially after this weekend!

The beauty of it all is that he sincerely meant it. He smiled and cheerfully helped me in the kitchen, and I'm so grateful for such a quick answer to prayer. THIS is the child I know and love!!!!!!

God really DOES answer prayer, doesn't He? I prayed for myself tonight at the Women's Bible study, and I hope that my son will see answers to those prayers too.

Peace.

Bible study

I get to meet with the ladies tonight, and that's always fun!

This week should go pretty quickly since we only have four days of school. Friday is NEOEA Day (Northeastern Ohio Education Association Day). That means the kids are off from school while teachers across Ohio will attend workshops.

I started Weight Watchers again too. [I'm not paying for meetings, though, since I already know the plan backwards and forwards.] As I stated in an earlier post, my little one had me stressed out this weekend...and I ended up gaining six pounds.

I need to structure myself. As long as I keep track of every single morsel I put in my mouth, I should be fine. I need to start NOW, though, since Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner!

This time around, I'm not going to worry about getting into a size 6 or 8 as quickly as possible. Instead, I'm going to take baby steps. It may take me a year, but I'd rather have regular, slow progress than a quick weight loss that results in gaining the weight back. Please pray for me, ok?

I have to get ready for work. But my lunch is already packed! :o)

May you have a blessed week!

rough start...better ending

My weekend began with some tension between my older kid and myself. I vented in a blog...posted about his misbehavior and my lack of understanding as to how to fix it...then I deleted the whole thing. :o)

Here's what happened after some private prayer time this morning:

We had a great day at church, and the message was wonderful. There were moments, though, when I thought the guest pastor was speaking over heads of some folks. He still did a pretty good job though.

After church, I took my boys out for pizza, and we actually had a wonderful time! Then I dropped them off at the mall while I went to work at job #2: piano player for a local theater.

On the way home my ex called the boys, and child #1 explained what he did and why Mom was "really mad." Dad, thankfully, gave me some parental support.

There is no tension in my house at the moment, and I praise God for that! :o) Hopefully, the days of challenging Mom are over, although I'm not naive enough to think that's true. For the time being, I'm simply going to rest in the knowledge that God heard my prayers this morning, and I'm grateful for that.

I hope all is well in your world!

God bless!

unexpected finances

God is so sweet, isn't He?

For several years, I have been struggling financially through no direct fault of my own. I suppose you could argue that I would have had less financial trouble if I had divorced my husband long before January of this year, but I simply wasn't ready. Let's leave that line of thinking for the time being.

Now for the good part...

I worked on my finances last night, and I'm pleased to say that God is wonderful! I will be able to take care of everything and pay off a couple of things by Christmas. I was approved for a raise I thought I wouldn't get because it's been at least 10 years since I took two of those graduate classes. What's even nicer is that the raise is retroactive to January 1st of this year, which means I'll get a lump sum check next month.

Today I received a check in the mail returning the security deposit on the last car I leased. :o) [I had misunderstood the letter; I was preparing to pay that amount!]

And both freezers and the refrigerator are full.

And the utilities are all paid up.

And my mortgage has been paid on time.

All this so soon after a divorce? It's certainly not MY doing! I give all the glory and praise to God! He said He'd never leave or forsake me, and guess what? He meant it!

Why am I sharing all of this with you? Because God doesn't have favorites! If He'll bless me like this, then it only stands to reason that He's ready and waiting to surprise you too! Keep your eyes open; I'm praying for you!

patience, Michelle...

I feel like a kid who's about to get a grown up (instead of baby-sized) ice cream cone for the first time.

There are so many parts of my life lining up right now, and I'm downright giddy!

I gave a test last week, and 119 (of 166) earned an A!

My attitude is surprisingly upbeat and positive! (I feel liked I used to before singlehood popped me upside the head.)

My Mom and I haven't had a disagreement in years.

My church is FUN!

My kids are blessings! (And for a minute there I thought they couldn't possibly get on my nerves more.) My children are truly wonderful people, and I'm not just saying that because I birthed 'em.

I hope my joy overflows into your life somehow. Let's pray:

God, I have had more than my share of heartache, and I'm amazed at what you've done to heal me! Thank you for allowing me not only to enjoy your presence, even as I worshiped alone last night, but also for allowing me to share your love with other folks. I look forward to whatever you plan to do next!

Please bless my internet buddies, God! If they have businesses, allow them to enjoy a windfall! If they have children, allow them to witness spiritual, mental, and physical growth. If they have concerns and anxiety, remove all of that and replace it with joyful anticipation of what You have in mind for their lives. Give them a vision of that, Lord!

Father, You know the desires of my heart, so I won't repeat myself and bore You. I'm ready and waiting for your Holy Spirit to teach me lots of new ideas today and this week. Help me to forgive those who have deliberately (and perhaps accidentally) hurt me. In Jesus' name, amen!

reality

Well, I had a rather brutal moment yesterday: one of my students said, "Hey, Ms. S., my godfather told me all about you! He said he had you years ago and that he thinks your tests are cool!"

Ummm...the compliment is nice. Sometimes I embed a puzzle within the answers of my tests so that kids can figure out the pattern, even if they can't remember one or two details.

...but his godfather had me?

Geez.

Now that I think about it, though, my own son is a sophomore, so it's perfectly natural to think that I'm now teaching children who could very well be the offspring of my former students.

In fact, my first set of kids was only five years younger than me at the time...

...which means they are now 33 years old.

Wow.