peace

I had a peaceful day today! Yay!

I spent the morning in a bit of discomfort, but I think I'm getting better. (Thank you, God!)

I also spent some time with a friend this afternoon. That was quite enjoyable and relaxed me completely. (Thank you again, God!)

Then I went to my T.O.P.S. meeting and learned that I lost a little more weight. Double YAY!!!!

I like days when I accomplish what I wanted to do for that day. I did a couple of extra errands too, but I didn't wear myself out. I even walked around the neighborhood with my friend, Diana, to invite folks to our church for a picnic.

I suppose I should confess something. I've been moving in fear lately, and I need to cut it out. I've been afraid of a few things:

1.) Fear of failure at losing weight. Although I have succeeded at losing weight, I have also given in to the temptation to eat comfort food. I think that, from now on, I'm only going to focus on the positive and try to change my perception of myself, especially since I think I'm much bigger in my head than I am in reality. There is good news: I am no longer pushing 300 pounds, and I am no longer a size 28. I won't tell you how much I weigh, but I will say that I'm wearing a size 14 and some 12's. Only 4 more sizes to go! [I think a size 8 is realistic, but I'd love to see a 6.]

2.) Fear of failure in ministry. This is a big one! It didn't help that I picked a song that no one knew for the worship service. (There wasn't even ONE person who knew it!) But my pastor is awesome: he explained that it really wasn't a big deal. He said, "So we all learned a new song. What's so bad about that?" There's nothing like a fresh perspective, eh?

3.) Fear of not being able to care for my children financially and emotionally. I've got the spiritual aspect of life for the most part since we worship regularly as a family on Sunday mornings. Now I've got to trust the Lord to help me with every other aspect of parenting, including providing for the needs and a few wants of my kids.

4.) Fear of what people think of me. This one hit me right between the eyes on Sunday. Fortunately, I was able to share this with my Pastor, and he spoke some words of wisdom that helped me deal with what happened. If you're a bully, I couldn't care less what you think of me. But I can't handle when my friends turn on me. Actually, I guess I CAN handle it! I'm learning how, I suppose, but it still hurts.

5.) Fear of dating (even though I thought that's what I wanted to do). I know that sounds stupid, but it's true. I'm actually uncomfortable getting to know men in a personal way, such as a dating relationship, even if I've known some of these men for several years.

SO....

I think it's time that I stop worrying and let God do his thing. At T.O.P.S. I am steadily losing weight. I have been told that people enjoy my music and the Bible study I lead at church. My boys have everything they need for school, and all of my bills are getting paid, even though I wish I had more to put away into my savings account. And I have been asked to go out on dates since my divorce; I've simply chosen not to accept because I didn't feel God in it at all. [I'd rather not make that mistake again.]

I am more than a conqueror, right?

With God all things are possible!

Thank you, Jesus, for staying by my side!