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God may not be giving me everything I want, but I truly have everything I need. My children and I are healthy and happy, my teaching position is in full swing, my church is full of love, my friends show me quite often how much they love me, and my mom is more active than I ever dreamed she'd be at age 75.
I am humbled as I think about all that the Lord has already done to take care of me emotionally, spiritually and physically.
Wow.
I'm not sure what he has for me, nor am I sure what I'm supposed to do at every given moment, but I'm learning to listen a bit harder rather than rushing into something. I haven't mastered this, but I'm a work in progress.
You are special to him too, you know. Be blessed!
I am soooooo not looking forward to going to work today. I always enjoy working in my classroom, but today we have to listen to a 2-hour lecture on the perils of using drugs in the workplace. [They act like you'll get "help" if you tell them you need it, but someone who stepped forward has been terminated. What hypocrites!] Would you believe we have to listen to this every single year? They don't even bother to change it up!
Hmph.
At least I'll get three hours in my classroom before we have to attend that meeting at 9:30.
Lord, thank you for allowing us to have a frank discussion last night at the women's Bible study. We are learning to trust one another and beginning to share some incredibly personal struggles, and I praise you for that mutual support. When I was done praying, one of them prayed for ME. Wow. I'm in awe of you, Lord! And we're growing!!!!
Now back to this dating thing, Jesus. Honestly, I'm a bit nervous about it. I pray that you will give me wisdom and discernment when it comes to which guys get my phone number and which ones need to be handled more carefully. I pray that you will help me to kindly and lovingly decline offers from the ones who aren't putting you first. I have been in a recent habit of asking potential dates to pray for me; the ones who refuse have presented a deal breaker as far as dating is concerned. [John prays for me quite often! Yay! At least it's a positive, wonderful beginning of a friendship, right?]
God, I trust you, and I'm so thrilled that you are lining up everything in my life! My son, Shaq, and I had a wonderful afternoon together yesterday, although some of it was working at church. We didn't argue at ALL, and it was so pleasant to simply talk to him in the car.
I'm not "worried" about anything, Jesus, although I am a bit anxious about getting to know people of the opposite sex. So please calm me down if I get a phone call this weekend and help me to be able to talk without getting so nervous that I start stuttering! ;o)
Father, as I begin to have exceedingly long days once again, I pray that you help me to keep the boundaries I've set for myself. I'm willing to change them if you're calling me to do something else. Would you like me to help the choir boosters, even though you asked me to set aside time for you on Friday evenings and to keep Saturdays as my day off? Do you want me to decline both days? I need to hear you on this one soon, Lord, because he asked me to help this weekend. I didn't accept the invitation yet, but please let me know what you want me to do. In Jesus' name, amen.
I'm not used to such long days, especially several consecutive difficult days. This summer has been relaxing. Although I've been getting up at 5:30 a.m. to walk, it's different when you have to "work." As I walked toward the building, I couldn't help but admire God's pastels. Isn't He the most impressive artist?
This is the sky above the football stadium at the same time I took the previous picture. Gorgeous, isn't it????
I took this picture 10 seconds later. This is where my classroom used to be; by November, it will be our new parking lot with 500+ spaces.
Last but not least, this is my birthday present from Kim: a sign with my name on it. At the moment, it's resting on the ledge of my white board, but I need to hang it soon. [Thank you, Kim!]
Now that I'm a bit more comfortable using my little digital camera, I'll probably write less, especially as my free time starts to diminish in the near future. I need practice anyway; I'm a terrible photographer. I'll try my best to keep you posted on my life via words and pictures.
Have you ever been insulted by someone who had no idea she was insulting you? It's so awkward, isn't it? That happened tonight. At first, I was pretty bummed, but then I realized that she didn't really mean anything by it. I was easily offended, but innocent errors aren't difficult to forgive.
On a happy note, I've been thinking about my friend, John, a lot lately. He is the first gentleman I've seriously considered dating who is also interested in me. Although I don't want to rush into anything, I also don't want to put up my infamous "wall." He asked for my number, but I'm not sure why. I suppose I'll find out if he ever uses it, eh?
I'm exhausted. I'll try to write more tomorrow. God bless!
Hi guys! It's been a long week, and I'm a wee bit tired. I've decided to show you instead of telling you what I've been up to lately. Janet took a picture of me as we were on our walk. This is me first thing in the morning. Scary, huh? [Kim, this is what I REALLY look like!] :o)
This is a picture of the hallway leading to my classroom in the new building. Everything is shiny and squeaky clean at the moment...let's hope it stays that way for a while.
See my window?!?!? YAY!!! When it comes to keeping track of several classes, lesson plans, grading, etc., a neat desk is essential for me. This is pretty much what my area will look like for the entire school year. Yes, I have teddy bears to keep me company. And what's that book next to the school house and flag? Oh yeah! That's my BIBLE! It helps me remember who I am when I get cussed out.
This is window #2 and one of 2 computers for the kids to use. I LOVE all of the space and cabinets!
There's so much beige and black throughout the building that I decided to slap some bright green on the biggest bulletin board. It might look corny, but I needed a bit more color. I'll change it to something else in the next few months.
This is my 6 foot tall son who is helping my friend, Melanie, organize her bookshelves. We couldn't figure out how to change the height, so Shaq came to the rescue! [You rock, Shaq!] Those little plastic pieces are a pain in the patooty.
This is Melanie singing and dancing after Shaq accomplishes his task. She's so excited about school starting...can you tell?
Thank you, Lord, for such a full life! Thank you for friends who love me. Most of all, thank you for being with me as I try my best to raise my sons, minister to the hurting, wounded souls around me, and prepare to teach your kids some English. Bless our classrooms, Father, with your peace and your love. In Jesus' name, amen!
I want some quiet time.
Today.
I wish sibling rivalry were unheard of at my house.
I can't wait until the day I am able to see my boys be friends.
At least my headache is gone. [Thank you, Jesus!]
Although I'm a bit tired due to lack of sleep last night, I think I'll head upstairs to make some cookies. That's the least I can do for my buddy, John, who has spent quite a bit of time sending me encouraging letters over the last few weeks.
Then I need to work on my blanket. [Kim, you are going to get this on time if it kills me!]
I'm excited, though. School starts in a week, but that means I only have a week to get my room ready. Oh boy...wish me luck! A friend offered to help me, and I just might take her up on that. I can't seem to finish everything I have planned to do.
Lord, every day I wake up with such peace. Since that hasn't always been the case, I truly appreciate that huge blessing. Walk with me for the rest of the day, ok? And please bless my friend, N. She hurts, and she seems to be blaming me. But I know that you're able to bring true reconciliation, so thank you for working on that. Thank you for blessing me with everything I need. I enjoy your company, especially yesterday when I was praising you all by myself. You are awesome, Jesus!
I started the day at a professional development class, and I was incredibly disappointed in my fellow teachers who talked while the presenter (who taught my son a few years ago) was sharing ideas. How rude! I was mortified and embarrassed! One would think that educators would have better manners, especially if they themselves would never tolerate such blatant disrespect in the classroom. Ooooooo, I was so frustrated!
Ultimately, I was able to glean quite a bit despite the constant, distracting chatter, so the morning wasn't a total loss.
Then I drove to my new classroom and fell in love!
I have windows!
Go ahead and giggle! :o) But my room last year was hardly comfy and cozy...I didn't have a single window. Someone made some rather true comparisons of my former room to a jail cell.
I agree, which is why I love my windows in my new room! Granted, the view is of a big 'ol pile of dirt, but I'm hoping it improves somewhat over the course of the year. Seeing sunlight as I teach will be fantastic!
I have so many cabinets that it's going to take some creativity to use them all.
The electronic parts of my room have me a bit nervous, but one of my friends isn't intimidated at all. So, if I can't figure it out by the end of September, then he's going to get a phone call. :o)
The air conditioning is working wonderfully, and the motion-sensored lights are pretty nifty.
I have quite a bit of cleaning and organizing to do before the school year begins, but I'm well on my way.
Thank you, God! Today has been fantastic! Please stay with me as I teach the women this evening at Bible study. In Jesus' name, amen!
I had a peaceful day today! Yay!
I spent the morning in a bit of discomfort, but I think I'm getting better. (Thank you, God!)
I also spent some time with a friend this afternoon. That was quite enjoyable and relaxed me completely. (Thank you again, God!)
Then I went to my T.O.P.S. meeting and learned that I lost a little more weight. Double YAY!!!!
I like days when I accomplish what I wanted to do for that day. I did a couple of extra errands too, but I didn't wear myself out. I even walked around the neighborhood with my friend, Diana, to invite folks to our church for a picnic.
I suppose I should confess something. I've been moving in fear lately, and I need to cut it out. I've been afraid of a few things:
1.) Fear of failure at losing weight. Although I have succeeded at losing weight, I have also given in to the temptation to eat comfort food. I think that, from now on, I'm only going to focus on the positive and try to change my perception of myself, especially since I think I'm much bigger in my head than I am in reality. There is good news: I am no longer pushing 300 pounds, and I am no longer a size 28. I won't tell you how much I weigh, but I will say that I'm wearing a size 14 and some 12's. Only 4 more sizes to go! [I think a size 8 is realistic, but I'd love to see a 6.]
2.) Fear of failure in ministry. This is a big one! It didn't help that I picked a song that no one knew for the worship service. (There wasn't even ONE person who knew it!) But my pastor is awesome: he explained that it really wasn't a big deal. He said, "So we all learned a new song. What's so bad about that?" There's nothing like a fresh perspective, eh?
3.) Fear of not being able to care for my children financially and emotionally. I've got the spiritual aspect of life for the most part since we worship regularly as a family on Sunday mornings. Now I've got to trust the Lord to help me with every other aspect of parenting, including providing for the needs and a few wants of my kids.
4.) Fear of what people think of me. This one hit me right between the eyes on Sunday. Fortunately, I was able to share this with my Pastor, and he spoke some words of wisdom that helped me deal with what happened. If you're a bully, I couldn't care less what you think of me. But I can't handle when my friends turn on me. Actually, I guess I CAN handle it! I'm learning how, I suppose, but it still hurts.
5.) Fear of dating (even though I thought that's what I wanted to do). I know that sounds stupid, but it's true. I'm actually uncomfortable getting to know men in a personal way, such as a dating relationship, even if I've known some of these men for several years.
SO....
I think it's time that I stop worrying and let God do his thing. At T.O.P.S. I am steadily losing weight. I have been told that people enjoy my music and the Bible study I lead at church. My boys have everything they need for school, and all of my bills are getting paid, even though I wish I had more to put away into my savings account. And I have been asked to go out on dates since my divorce; I've simply chosen not to accept because I didn't feel God in it at all. [I'd rather not make that mistake again.]
I am more than a conqueror, right?
With God all things are possible!
Thank you, Jesus, for staying by my side!
I'm really tired and weak.
I've been trying to keep up with blogging, but I think I have to pass for tonight.
One happy thought before I go: I started a 90-day personal Bible study program that should help me become a better woman of God. It's a pretty thick book, but it looks wonderful. I'll let you know how it goes. God bless!
And I'm definitely doing that right now.
One of my e-mail accounts is "keepinmyjoy," and sometimes that's hard to do, isn't it?
I am not allowing an irritating 10-minute conversation to dictate whether or not I have a good day. Have you ever tried to soothe someone who didn't want to be soothed? If so, then you know how awkward I felt. A lady is mad at me tonight, and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. She was so hateful that listening to me was virtually impossible. I eventually stopped trying to give her peace since it was clear that she was simply in the mood to be mad.
She called me, but she didn't really want a discussion; I suppose she expected me to silently listen as she spewed venom. Although I gave her very little wiggle room as she ranted, I wasn't rude. Sadly, I don't think she feels better. I tried though!
But she's wrong...I'm NOT a horrible person. I do NOT walk around insinuating that my time is more important than anybody else's. I try to help others in any way I can. Although I don't have much spare time during the school year, I still make it a point to be available if my family, friends, or students need me. I don't try to make people feel self-conscious or feel dumb just because I'm an English teacher. In fact, I strive to do the exact opposite.
Perhaps I should stop fussing at you. After all, you weren't the one yelling at me earlier! :o)
Anyway...
Now that I think about it, I actually DID have a good day! Let's see:
1. Pastor Smiley did a great job today and used his recent camping trip and the idea of contaminated water to illustrate the meaning of "defiled." And thank God he can read music! I picked a song that NO ONE knew. Oops! I taught them the song, though, and they seemed to like it. Do you know "Wonderful, Merciful Savior"? I love that song!
2. My children have been actively working on behaving for me, and I'm quite appreciative of that. In fact, someone at work this evening mentioned how mannerly my boys are. What a nice compliment to me as a mother and to them as well!
3. My little one spent some of his own money to buy me a necklace for my birthday yesterday. It's a big 'ol heart that's full of colorful little gems. I wore it all day today.
4. My relatively new friend, John, left another gift and letter for me in the mailbox at church. I can't express how timely that was. God shared some things about me with him, and they were right on point. Wow...I'm touched that he prays for me so often.
5. I went back to work at a local theater, and I enjoyed catching up with some friends. One of my ex-students is trying to play matchmaker for me, but I'm not really sure I'm up for that. I guess I'll eventually have to get out there and meet some folks. To be honest, though, that thought evokes more anxiety than excitement. :o( But there is a bright side: At least I'm finally free to date if the right guy comes along. :o)
6. My Mom and I spent about an hour together this evening. She's so awesome! I was a bit agitated (due to my goofy phone call from Angry Lady). Being near my Mom brings me peace in a relatively short amount of time.
Thanks, Lord, for a GREAT day!!!!!
Wow...my day has been so awesome!
Kim, I know I already thanked you for the birthday present as soon as it came in the mail, but I had to thank you again after I opened it today. Girl, you have more creativity in your pinky finger than I'll ever have! You are soooo talented! And your family is absolutely beautiful!!!!
Alas, I still haven't gone to the doctor. I am soooooooooooo chicken. What the heck is my problem? Let's just say the details of my discomfort are too personal and gross to type here. Please just keep praying for me, okay? Thanks!
Happy note #1: My birthday has been lovely! My Mom took me to dinner, and I had some steak. That's a treat, not only because it's expensive but also since it's so fattening. But we were at Hometown Buffet, so I asked for a small piece. I also splurged on some strawberry shortcake and ice cream for dessert. Yummo!
Happy note #2: I watched some movies and a little bit of baseball, and then I got a phone call: my babies were ready for me to pick them up from the Fishels. They missed me! I got some awesome hugs...even in front of other people! Cool!
Happy note #3: A very handsome guy wanted to talk in the middle of Giant Eagle yesterday. I met him a while ago and have spoken to him a few times before, and he isn't creepy. I, however, am a big 'ol chicken. I talk much smack about being ready to date, but when a nice, handsome guy comes along, voila! I'm 16 years old again and totally tongue-tied. What the heck!?!?!?
Fortunately, I do know how to contact him...
...if I ever stop being such a dork. :o)
So, what am I doing on a lovely Friday evening? I was outside for a while, and now I'm going to jot down a few lines here before I watch some movies. After that, I'm going to hit the sack...it'll be almost midnight when I'm done watching them.
I had lunch with my friend, Melanie, and she is a hoot! I had been looking forward to some girl talk (something happened this week, and I was bursting to share it with her), but she brought her son. Oh well...I'll have to tell her later. She kept asking me, "What's going on with you?" I don't really have an answer except that I'm simply happy and content. It's sad that this joyful look on my face is so shocking to her, eh? But it's a new day! God is good! He's blessing me with peace, and I'm hanging on to every ounce of it!
And...
Tomorrow is my birthday! Yay! I finally get to open Kim's present for me, and then I'm planning on going to church in the morning to get some stuff done (I can't believe how time flew this week!). After that, I'm going to visit one of the nicest, cutest, little 'ol ladies I've ever met. She's in a nursing home. I visited her yesterday, but I promised to go see her again on Saturday. I also want to see that new Star Wars movie: The Clone Wars. I know, I know...it's a cartoon, but I wanna see it! So maybe I'll take my boys if they're home in time.
In the evening, my Momma's taking me out to dinner. We might have lunch instead though; she's a retired woman on a fixed income. Lunch is cheaper, don't you think?
I hope all is well in your world!
Lo and behold, my boys chose to go camping with some family friends! Wow! That threw me for a loop. I thought they'd surely decline because there's no internet or television in the woods, but they're actually excited about it. I dropped them off at 5:10, so they've been on the road with the Fishels for about 1/2 hour.
What to do with all this free time?
Well, I'll lead a women's Bible study in 1/2 hour, then I'm going to go home, let my doggy go outside for a few minutes, and then eat dinner (which will probably be a salad). If I'm in the mood for dessert, I can munch on some banana chips or a 100 calorie pack of crackers. Then I'll watch a movie.
After that, I'm probably going to be too tired to do anything fun, but there's always tomorrow...
I feel like a kid again....
My buddy, Kim, sent me a birfday present!!!!!
I hafta be obedient cuz she won't let me open it til Saturday...
But I can still look at it every day!!!! :o)
Thank you, Kim! You are sooooo sweet!!!!!
My friends, Janet and Tim, have offered to take my boys camping for three days. That, my dears, is a gift for my boys as well; they don't get to go camping very often...mostly because their mother has zero experience in that area. I'm not going to make them go, but I'm hoping that they take advantage of this opportunity.
I'll keep ya'll posted. Peace!
I was mistaken for a teenager this evening, which would have been nice had the gentleman been...well... a man.
I kid tried to flirt with me, and I had to burst his bubble: my 37th birthday is coming up on Saturday.
And it turns out he's a friend of my son. Ewwww!!!!!
As usual, I wasn't planning anything special, but Mom has already asked me to dinner. I'll take my boys with me....it should be a pretty uneventful day.
Today was cool. Church was nice as always, and then I took the boys to lunch (Cici's Pizza). After lunch I took them shopping for school stuff, and we are all officially ready for the first day. Yay!!!!
Our district just finished building a brand new high school, so my English classroom needs to get put together as soon as possible. I'm not allowed into the building until August 19th though...but that's Tuesday!
Yay!!!! I love the beginning of a school year! (ESPECIALLY when my lesson plans are done so far in advance!)
More good news: I got my schedule! I teach SIX classes instead of five, so that means I don't have to do hall duty this year! TRIPLE WOO HOO!!!!! I hate hall duty! I would MUCH rather teach another class! God is so awesome!
Any prayer requests?
Father, thank you for such a lovely day! Thank you for allowing the worship to be so wonderful this morning! Please protect the ladies who might be getting slammed because they're praying so much at Bible study. Watch over Pastor Matt as he travels to and from Michigan this week. Thank you for allowing us to get things in order financially, both in our private finances as well as at church. God, you are so amazing! I ask that you please be with me as I try to get stuff done this week; I have so much church stuff as well as teaching organization that needs to get done, and I'm trying to finish a project too. Thanks, God! I love you! In Jesus' name, amen.
So....I'm 36 and still gettin' whoopins....
But that's ok. God only chastens the ones He loves, right?
So I'm really really loved!!!!!
I didn't like acknowledging that I was harboring unforgiveness toward some folks, but it was the truth. So I had to deal with that today. Actually, I have to admit that my Pastor made me face reality and get really honest about my own heart. Otherwise, I probably would have just stewed about it over the next few days. :o)
[So thank you, Lord, for helping me to forgive all of them, and please help me to love them when I see these folks in person. In Jesus' name, amen.]
After that, I led the women's Bible study, and it was fantastic! I honestly believe that I enjoyed it much more than if I was still mad about some stuff that hurt my feelings. And it seems that the women's Bible study keeps getting better and better! I keep hearing compliments, such as, "You're so easy to understand!" and "This hour goes by too fast!" YAY! Lord, all of that praise goes right back to You!
Thank you, God, for blessing them with understanding! Thank you for allowing me to have an opportunity to minister to these women, and I also appreciate how eager they are to minister to me as well. Jesus, please forgive us for sinning, both accidentally and on purpose. I personally repent for being so stubborn earlier today and wasting so much of Pastor's time. He has better things to do than sit with me and pray until I'm ready to forgive. Help me not to do that again, Lord! The whole point of volunteering in the office is to help, not hinder. In Jesus' name, amen!
I got upset today over something that shouldn't have bothered me at all, and I wish I just didn't care what people think of me.
I'm trying my best (and have been doing so for several years now) to bless others and let my light shine. Unfortunately, there always seem to be a few folks who actually want to see you fail. That's sick...and more than a little sad.
I tried to cheer myself up by treating my boys to a movie (Hancock), and then I took them out to dinner at Burger King. My little one decided to be loud when I told him "No, you can't have milk." My reasoning is because he is constantly thirsty; I wanted him to get something with free refills; even water would have been better than two milks. My older kid decided to challenge me and question why I do what I do and say what I say, and that irritated me. Since when do mothers have to answer to their children?
My little one proceeded to sit at a totally different table and refused to eat the sandwich I bought him. Instead, he used his own money to buy another sandwich.
Ummmm....where does he think that $20 bill came from in the first place?
Then, when it was time to leave, both children sat in the back seat of the car. Usually one of them screams, "Shotgun no blitz!" which means, "I get to sit in the front with Mom!" So their decision to stand (err..."sit") united and ostracize me sent a message loudly and clearly: "We're mad at you, Mom!"
Whatever.
There IS a bright side to this: as long as they're both mad at me at the same time, they don't fight each other. Isn't that intriguing?
Perhaps I should make it a point to irritate them on a weekly basis....just to get a little peace and quiet...
(I'm only half-way kidding!)
Have you ever had one of those days when things can't possibly get better? :o)
Well, I started my day volunteering at church. My pastor and I looked through some old pictures and recognized quite a few folks. Then I enjoyed lunch with two of the nicest people I know.
We prayed for a lady who is lonely, and the Holy Spirit began to minister to her in a way that we couldn't. Yay!!!
Then my friend, John, drove quite a distance to give me a gift and a letter. He's such a nice man and quite compassionate too! We don't know each other well, so I can't even say that we're very close yet. But I'm definitely glad that we met.
After that, I came home to find a letter from my boss in the mail. She had taken the time to write me a personal two-page note about the wonderful job that I do for her. Wow....
Thank you, Lord, for such a fulfilling day! I feel content and peaceful right now, and I'm excited about what you're going to do next! In Jesus' name, amen!!!!!
I got to see FIVE plays tonight, and my buddy, Megan, won for best writer!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!
I'm a bit tired...I'll share more later.
but I tried to save it! I used a paper plate and plastic cup to try and capture it to take it outside, but he's a swift little fellow.
If I don't find him soon, he's pro'ly going to die. He's been in my basement for quite a few days, and I've been trying to find him. Just now he landed on my bookcase, and I was sure I'd be able to grab him!
Phooey. How long can a moth live before he starves to death?
It's kind of odd, though: I will go to great lengths to save a moth, but EVERY spider gets squished. Hmmm....I can't really explain why.
I almost cut my hair today, but I simply ran out of time. It's been a hectic, tiring week, and I haven't been able to do everything I had planned to do. Tonight was the first night I did nothing. I read the Bible a little while, went grocery shopping, put everything away, and then watched a little television. I haven't relaxed like this in a long, long time.
I bought everything we need for a month except for meats; I'll make a trip to Charlane Farms tomorrow morning at 9:00. I can buy a whole cow if I want one, but it would never fit in my freezer. At most I may be able to fit 1/4 cow, but I think I'm going to mix it up; I want some chicken and fish too.
I'm planning to get up early to do my Taebo tape, go to the farm, cut my grass, and maybe go to see a play. I'm not going to meet any nice guys if I stay at home, right? Besides, some of my students are in this play. It's called "24-hour theater" because at 6:00 p.m. this evening, they started writing the play. I'm not sure if they're going to build a set, but the actors will come in tomorrow to learn their lines and run through it a couple of times. Within 24 hours, the play is written and blocked, the actors learn lines, and the cast gives a performance for a live audience.
Isn't that cool?????
If I decide not to do that, then maybe I'll catch a movie. I can drop off the kids at the mall, or maybe they'd like to see a movie too. I suppose we'll have to wait and see.
Thanks, God, for a relaxing evening! Thank you for allowing me to enjoy a movie on television, and I feel so grateful to you for providing for all of my needs. I'm looking forward to spending some more time with you tomorrow, Jesus! Please continue to bless me, my family, my church, and my friends with your peace and love. In Jesus' name, amen.
